• A few months ago my eight year old daughter came home from school very excited about a birthday invitation she had received.  As happens more often than I’d like, I was half listening to her read it aloud, and half thinking about the rest of the evening and what needed to get done.  But my ears perked up when she finished reading the details of time, place, and date and said, “no gifts, please.”  When she realized that she suddenly had my full attention she made it very clear to me, “No gifts it says Daddy, no gifts!” I walked over to her to look at the invitation myself, because this was the first I had ever heard of no gifts at a children’s birthday party.  And she was right (of course!) – No gifts.

    While I know that it is fun to get gifts and open packages there is something to be said about doing something that is selfless and more meaningful – giving to others

    My daughter was still curious and asked, “Why would she not want gifts?”  After thinking it over I suggested that maybe having a party and being with friends is the biggest gift, or that maybe there was nothing her friend wanted or needed.  My daughter still wanted to do something for her friend so we decided to work on a nice homemade card, and that closed the subject in her mind.

    But I was intrigued and decided to call the family just to satisfy my curiosity.  When we spoke, her mother told me that this was her daughter’s choice.  She decided that instead of gifts if someone wanted s/he could donate money toward cancer research.  Unbeknownst to me, this mother had been recently diagnosed with cancer.  Her daughter had been advanced into a more grown up world and life.  She did not want to ask for donations in the birthday card because she did not want anyone to feel obligated to give.  It was a very honest and enlightening conversation.

    Once I was off of the phone I sat down with my daughter to explain to her what had been discussed. She not only understood but she thought it was a great idea and wanted to do the same for her upcoming birthday by giving to another charity.  This was a couple of months ago.  And since that initial ‘donations instead of gifts’ party I have noticed a trend in her class where others are suggesting donating to various causes  (buying government bonds, giving to charities, and organizing volunteer work) in lieu of gifts. While I know that it is fun to get gifts and open packages there is something to be said about doing something that is selfless and more meaningful — giving to others. It’s more fulfilling and the joy lasts so much longer than the excitement of opening a new gift—most of us long ago realized that most gifts get tossed to the side soon after they are opened.

    It has also reminded me of the goodness and generosity that children naturally have inside; that adults have as well.

    Presents are fun, yet generosity is fulfilling.  Is there a happy medium? We are trying to find it, so this holiday season our family (children are on board!) has decided to do a 50/50 split – some gifts, some charity.  This year feels less materialistic than years past (but I am still shopping and wrapping, so not completely off of the hook) and has renewed my energy for the holidays.  It has also reminded me of the goodness and generosity that children naturally have inside; that adults have as well. We just seemed to need a bit of a “wake up call.”  Our thanks to the original family who gave us the jump start we needed by beginning the donation wave, and best wishes for health, peace and good will to all.

    Happy Holidays!