• My almost 12 year-old daughter came running home the other day excited about a new book she had just picked up from the library, “The Hunger Games.” It turned out that she’d been waiting to get this book for several weeks and had to be on a waiting list since there was a huge demand for it. When she finally got it, she was thrilled to show it to me. To be honest, I had somehow missed the hype about The Hunger Games book series, but my sister, who is an elementary school teacher and was visiting that day remarked, “You’re not going to let her read that, are you?”  Her tone and the look on her face made it clear that she thought that my answer should have been no.  I asked why she was against it and she said that it contained a lot of fighting and violence.  My sister was not pleased with me when I turned to my daughter and responded, “Yes, you can read it.”

    Am I supposed to shelter my children and protect them from topics in popular literature?

    This interaction made me wonder if I was being lazy in my parenting duties. Am I supposed to shelter my children and protect them from topics in popular literature? The topic has been debated over the years (it was “Lord of the Flies” when I was growing up) and we sometimes hear mass media blaming controversial literature for some of life’s tragic outcomes (such as school shootings, suicides, crime sprees, etc.). Many people want to blame books, music, movies and other influences for a child’s poor behavior. Often parents of children who have broken rules and laws will use this as an excuse to explain why their child chose the wrong path.  The reality is that morals and behaviors originate in the home.

    We believe, knowing how kids are, the more we try to keep things away from them the more they’ll be drawn toward, and find creative ways to access those things

    In our home, we teach our children that they will hear strange ideas and be confronted with bad influences, but that they need to remember their core and the difference between right and wrong. We model this for them at home and hope that this will guide their behaviors both in and out of our home.  We believe, knowing how kids are, the more we try to keep things away from them the more they’ll be drawn toward, and find creative ways to access those things. This does not mean that we advocate giving them excessively gory, pornographic, or other inappropriate material. What this means, though, is that when topics come up, we try to teach our children how to look at things and make the right decisions. We want them to turn off a scary movie or put down an inappropriate book or magazine on their own instead of us trying to keep those things away from them.

    The reality is that we can’t be everywhere all of the time to protect our children from every possible influence. Furthermore, it would be exhausting to keep battling to keep their hands away from a flame for the rest of their lives. We want them to realize that the fire will burn them and therefore they should choose to keep away for their own safety. Of course kids, at times, will see or hear things that are inappropriate.  Instead of telling them what to do, why not teach them how to decide for themselves? Shutting them out of the real world may stifle their imagination and creativity. Thoughts and fantasy (as extreme as they can sometimes be) don’t necessarily lead to action. How you raise your children is the strongest determinant of their sense of right and wrong.  Teaching them to use the tools they have been given, not simply eliminating influences is what creates a long term solution!