• As we approach our twentieth week of pregnancy we are faced with the decision of finding out the gender of our baby, and whether or not we will share that news with our friends in family if we do find out. With our first, we found out but held on to the information for a while. Not long, just a few weeks or so. There wasn’t any real reason why we did this, it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.

    With our second we started spreading the news on the way home from the ultrasound. Here we are again, with number three. I’m confident that I want to know the gender. The way I see it, it’s a surprise at 20 weeks, just like it will be at 40. There are enough other surprises with labor and delivery that I don’t mind getting this one a touch early. That’s just us though, I know several families who chose to wait and be surprised on the day of delivery. My need to plan things out just doesn’t handle waiting. Already having two kids, one boy and one girl, I’m not redoing a bedroom. I just need to know which room the crib goes in, the girl room, or the boy room.

    And of course there is the quiet competition between other pregnant mommies.

    Another aspect for me, is that I’m tired of referring to the baby as “it,” or “he/she.” We have already solidified names and it would be nice to start referring to the baby by their name. So now, do we tell the world what the gender is, or hold our tongues? On one hand, I know my dad wants to get started making one of his one of a kind blankets. On the other, it would be great to get used to the idea of girl or boy before announcing it. Perhaps I’m wrong, and it really doesn’t matter either way.

    One tidbit of information that I am more likely to hold is the name of the baby. We shared the names of our other kids and regretted it each time. It was hard to hear people say things like, “Oh. I know hundreds of Sues!” Or, “I knew a Sue once, she was a real brat!” One of the fun ones, “Really, you’re naming your kid THAT!?” “It sounds like the name of a dog.” I even had someone say to me, “I had an uncle named Rob. He committed suicide.” Awesome. Thank you for that tidbit of information that was not really all that relevant. Here was my all time favorite after sharing our chosen girl name, “Well, lets just hope you have a boy then.” And of course there is the quiet competition between other pregnant mommies. My goodness, what if the name I choose sounds just like (or even worse, is the same) as their chosen name?

    This time around, we are considering keeping all that information to ourselves to avoid any uncomfortable annoying conversations. Whether you decide to find out the gender of your child or not. Share the information, or share your names, just make sure it is what is right for your family. Remember that most people don’t think before speaking, and all the crazy things they say to you while you are pregnant are just the way they express their excitement for you. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

    Doing what makes you and your spouse happy is the most important thing.

    But you know, having a secret is also sort of fun too!