• Your toddler’s favorite word is no. They say it even when they mean to say yes. Or when they mean to say maybe. They even say it when they mean to say hi. It’s just the first word out of their mouth. Ask me how I know so much about your child. It’s because most kids (consider yourself extremely lucky if you’re one of the few parents who skip this phase) go through the same stage of saying no to everything. As a parent it is the most frustrating thing in the world.

    How you react to this little “independent” persons rebellion will set the stage for future discipline. That’s why it’s important to handle it just right. First and foremost, if your child says no to wanting a cracker, but then puts one in his mouth, chances are he meant to say yes. Just leave that one alone. If he says no, and then follows through with it, you will know that he meant it. What you really want to teach your child is that it is okay to say no, but if you do the world may say no back.

    As soon as he asks me for something (and believe me this happens faster than you can imagine) I say no.

    Kids don’t like to be told what to do, no one does really. It’s against our wiring. Even now if my mom tells me what to do my first reaction is to do the exact opposite. And I’m thirty years old! That being said, I understand my son’s attachment to his no’s. I just don’t like it. Every time he gives me a no, I give him one. If I ask him to come clean up the blocks for example, and he says no I’ll wait. As soon as he asks me for something (and believe me this happens faster than you can imagine) I say no. So he says no to cleaning up the blocks, then asks me for a snack. I say no. He asks why, I say, “Because I asked you to clean up the blocks and you said no.” Now he has two choices, do what I asked and get that snack, or be stubborn and not get it. If he chooses the stubborn route, I take away my attention from him. I’m not saying I ignore him, but I certainty am not on the floor engaging in a game with him. Within a few minutes my son is doing what I ask. The more I stick to this method, the less his no’s come. Although he still has his moments days.

    If he chooses the stubborn route, I take away my attention from him

    If his stubbornness lasts long enough that I clean up those blocks, he is completely out of luck for that snack. And that two hour time period until dinner is a long time away for him. I don’t talk at him, saying things like, “If you picked up the blocks yadda yadda yadda.” I only bring it up if he specifically asks why he can’t have a snack. It takes quite a bit of patience on the part of the parents, but this really does help the “no” turn into “yes.”

    Just remember that your kids have opinions too, and if it is something that doesn’t really matter, let their no be no. They will learn that not only do you love them, but you respect them too. Eventually they will learn when no is an okay thing to say, and when it is not.